[BJFan99]

It's August 6, 2016 - a regular Saturday night in New Jersey. Jon and Jake are home while Dorothea is in the city looking for a new handbag.

Jon: Alright, son, what would you like to do?
Jake: I'd like to talk about a couple of things.
Jon: Okay, what's on your mind?
Jake: Dad, I'm sorry to say but you can't sing anymore.
Jon: Uhmm... what do you mean? That I can't stay on key or what?
Jake: Well, kinda...
Jon: "Kinda"? Just say it straight and don't be afraid. Be honest to your Dad.
Jake: Okay. Your voice sucks ass now. You can't sing any of the challenging stuff anymore. Have you watched your rendition of "Always" from the last year's tour? It's on YouTube.
Jon: No, I haven't. Did I sing it somewhere last year? I don't remember anything about the last year's tour, unless it's about money - how much I got it, how much I've spent of it already and so on. Let's take a look at the video. By the way, watch your words, son!

SEVEN MINUTES LATER

Jake: Well, how was it?
Jon: F**k. F**k. F**K!!!
Jake: You didn't like it, huh?
Jon: No! I thought the staff of that shitty little stadium we played at wouldn't let the audience film the show. But no! They didn't give a shit about the people pulling their phones out and watching the whole damn thing through the lens! At the time I thought I could get away with that kind of crappy performance, if only because I thought it wouldn't get released. And I thought that f***ing wedding thing was the worst video of me available. But I was wrong. SHIT!!!
Jake: Dad, what did you just say to me about watching my words? Also, you should remember it was 2015 already. YouTube did exist.
Jon: Alright, alright, alright... now, where's my fax? I gotta check out how Steph and Jesse are doing. Son, could you bring your old Dad a box of cigarettes?
Jake: Nope. You should dump the cigarettes and start working for your voice again. You've lost it completely. You can't even scream anymore.
Jon: What are you talking about? I can still scream, but a whisper is so much more powerful!
Jake: Oh, why do I feel like I've heard that thing a million times before? Show me that you can still do it, and then I'll believe you.
Jon: Okay. But first, I'll drink a glass of water.
(Jon goes to the kitchen, takes the glass from the cabinet and turns the water on. It's hot.)
Jon: OOOOOOWWWWWW! OW, OW, OW, OOOWWW!
Jake: Wow, Dad - you can still do it! That was a freaking F5! Show it again!
Jon: I can't...
Jake: Why?
Jon: Because I don't want my hand to get burnt again.
Jake: If you can still scream like that, why don't you do it live anymore?
Jon: Because I'm afraid...
Jake: What are you afraid of, Dad?
Jon: Technical problems.
Jake: Why? Your road crew is first class.
Jon: No, no, no, you don't understand. I'm afraid of birds coming on stage because of the chirping noise and shitting on me...

More coming next week!