JON: "...But before I give you your paycheck, I have to deduct your hospital bills, your plane fare home from Mexico, your sick pay, what we spent on your get-well and birthday presents -- and, of course, the minimum wage that I paid Rich Scanella!"

TICO: "If my appendix and gall bladder had waited just one more month before eloping, I would have been covered by the Affordable Care Act!"

DAVE: "Look on the bright side -- he didn't replace you with a cardboard cutout!"